Clinical Psychologist "Dr. Stephan B.Poulter" - In The News: "South Africa Sunday Times - 'How's your father

How's your father - and how he affects you

BY ROWAN PHILP: London / South Africa
Sunday, 04 June 2006

Dads come in five - mainly negative - types, and it is up to their offspring to learn how to survive their influence, says a new book

PRINCE William is all but doomed to become a hardworking but weak king, thanks to his passive dad.

The teen kids of tennis brat John McEnroe will never be ruthless enough to make it as entrepreneurs.

And having no dad around helped mould presidents such as Bill Clinton and Thabo Mbeki.

A book to be released next week will claim that everyone has one of just five kinds of father, and that the kind of career a person chooses is directly affected - and often limited - by which kind they are.

The Father Factor, by US clinical psychologist Stephan Poulter, says that understanding the legacy of a father's influence can unblock stifled careers, and also point to which careers one should avoid.

According to the book, four out of five kinds of dad are unwitting saboteurs of their children's careers.

Poulter, a former policeman and cleric who says his own father doesn't speak to him, reached his conclusions after counselling more than 2200 fathers and children, including Hollywood stars who he won't name "for legal reasons".

"It is fathers who have the influence in the workplace; that's no disrespect to mothers who play the big role in emotional relationships," says Poulter.

The book divides dads into super-achievers; time-bombs; mentors; passive fathers; and absent fathers.

Poulter said the top two executives of collapsed US energy giant Enron - currently on trial for massive fraud - were doomed to fail professionally because they had not dealt with their own father factors: "I'm quite certain they both had passive or absent fathers."

The book says that:

Sons of "super-achiever" fathers - who are defined by their professional success - will likely suffer from "stuckness", from which they may rebel by underperforming in their careers. However, many of these will also join traditionally respected professions, such as law and medicine, in the hope of securing the fatherly approval they crave.
Sons of short-fuse "time-bomb" fathers "may develop amazing people-pleasing" skills that make them talented personnel managers and negotiators - but, as "yes-men", they will find it hard to earn the trust of colleagues.

"In reality you probably work to appease people rather than confront problematic employees and raise divisive issues," says Poulter.
Sons of "absent" fathers will have "great difficulty" working for male bosses and interacting with other authority figures.

Poulter writes that daughters have an even more specific need from their fathers - a "sense of competence ... particularly from 10 to 18 years old" - that, if absent, creates a set of serious problems in virtually all careers.

He advises: "You may overcompensate for feelings of inferiority by becoming the type of executive your co-workers think of as a 'female terminator'."

The book gives readers a checklist for identifying the "major attachment and father issues that cause problems for you at work".

Although Poulter says that the book does describe positive father influences, chapter three kicks off with "The Big 7 Father Factor Issues in All Careers" - "shame, self-doubt, lack of focus, lack of motivation, lack of personal responsibility, emotional immaturity, and fear of failure".

Poulter says those who had "absent fathers" had to deal with severe emotional challenges in their personal lives, but that many - from President Thabo Mbeki to the US's Mafia dons - found ways to redirect their resulting "anger factor" to achieve leadership in their professions.

As a boy, Mbeki saw little of his activist father, Govan Mbeki, who was frequently on the run from security police.

"Think of Bill Clinton - his father was absent, and so he became engaged with redirecting his anger at that in a meaningful manner, professionally," says Poulter, adding that Clinton would likely not have become president had he had an active father figure.

But Poulter said absentee fathers bequeathed to their sons a likelihood that they will also be passive in their careers.

"Think of Prince Charles's two sons, having a father who is passive, [has] a strong work ethic and [is] very responsible, but not very engaging as a parent.

"As a result, [William and Harry] may tend to neglect themselves and may become passive in their careers. For the job of being king, ideally, you'd want a mentor dad."

One such mentor dad, Poulter says, is Nelson Mandela, despite his absence from his children's lives while on the run or in prison.

Mandela's "extended presence" and compassion both inside and outside the home, Poulter says, make him a special case: "I'd say he's a true mentor father."

Of course, he says, you can't choose your father; you can only understand his legacy in your life and perhaps forgive him for its negative aspects.

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